Surgery is set


Hi everyone, I wish I could be writing a happier post but now is not that time. My older daughter has Truncus Arteriosus (to learn more about her and her heart read this post).

Just to give a background, she was diagnosed when she was 7 days old and had her first open heart surgery at 11 days old, this surgery repaired her heart but it was not a permanent fix. The piece they placed in her heart does not grow with her body so naturally, this is what needs to be replaced. She has also had 2 heart Caths.

We usually see her cardiologist every 9 months or so to see how things are going, well we saw him in January and found out that it is time for her to have her replacement. So surgery is scheduled for the end of March, and along with the surgery, she will also have a cath.

Now I know nothing could ever prepare me for this, it’s just one of those things that you never want to happen. I have been in this position before, and with the experience, I know what to expect. I will tell you that no I am not ready for them to take her away from me, I am not ready for the update telling me she is cooled down and ready to go on bypass, I am not ready to hear that she is in fact on bypass. From this point forward I know that until I get the news that her body is warm and her heart is beating again, I will not be able to take a deep breath.

Then once the surgery is over, I have to prepare myself to see my daughter who loves horses and all animals, who is looking forward to her Make a Wish trip to Hawaii and
swimming with dolphins, lying in a hospital bed with a machine breathing for her. She is such an amazing girl and to see her so helpless…………words just can’t describe.

What is new this time is that I now have my younger daughter, during this time she cannot get attention from me, she will be away from her mother and best friend, yes I will have family around her to support her, but it can’t be me, and this kills me.

I know once this is over I will be dolphin-heartgrateful to be on the other side of surgery, to know that we are set for a few more years. We will no longer be at the edge of our seat at every cardiology appointment, that I can’t wait for. But as for everything else, it could never happen, and I would be happy…

So if you see me, and I don’t look okay, know that I am not. I am in fact teetering on the edge of a breakdown, I am using all my energy to keep it together. But also know there is nothing that can be done, this is life, this is my life, this is my daughters’ lives, and now this is my Fiance’s life. We will all get through it, and it will hurt like hell, but there will be a brighter side.


Food Stamps


We have all had hard times in our life but some of us have hit a lower bottom than others, this was me when my ex left. I went from a stay at home mom to a single mom on food stamps. Now I want to clarify that I was getting child support from my ex; still its just his income was not high enough to support 2 households.

This post is actually hard for me to write because for a lot of you (my friends) this is the first you have heard about me being on Food Stamps, and it was my pride that kept it from you. When I was debating applying for benefits or not I had to lay down my pride and think of my girls and make the decision that was best for them.

Being on this program I realized that there are times in people’s lives when extra help is needed. I needed this help for a little bit. I knew when I went on the program that my goal was to get off it as soon as possible, I went out and got a job just 2 weeks after receiving benefits. I am happy to say that as of today I no longer qualify!

I am grateful that the program is in place because it helped me take care of my girls when I needed it. Before this experience I had very strong opinions about government assistance. Now actually having needed this assistance and walking in the shoes of the people I judged has humbled me and given me a new perspective. I can now see that people just need help sometimes.

Why I do everything I do.

Why I do everything I do.