Finding love

About 2 years ago my life was just being put back together, I was coming out of the darkness that my divorce caused. By the end of January of that year I was healed and ready to move on. Now, this did not mean I was ready to date, but it did mean I was ready to live my life, so one weekend when my children were with their dad, I called up an old friend. Now calling this person a friend is using the term loosely, the connection is hard but give me a minute to explain this…

Okay so this person is Aaron

My ex-mother-in-law was in her 4th marriage when I got married, she married a man named Dale and Dale has triplets that are my age and a younger child (who I think is 5 years younger) so for a time Dale’s children were my step siblings in-laws.

When I was pregnant with Faith, Dale’s daughter (one of the triplets) began dating Aaron. I actually met him for the first time when I was 36 weeks expecting!

They dated for about 4 years and broke up when Becky was around 1, in this time we would talk and were friendly but nothing more (we were both in love and in committed

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Faith playing with Uncle Aaron

relationships) Faith actually called him Uncle Aaron!

 

Fast forward 2 years and I was at a gas station filling up when I saw someone I recognized at another pump, it was Aaron. Now, my looks had changed since he had last seen me, the baby weight was gone and really he only knew me when I was either pregnant or postpartum. I was excited to see him after so long so I went over and he didn’t even recognize me! We talked and I invited him to dinner so we all (myself, my ex-husband and himself) could catch up. This dinner never happened and in retrospect, it’s probably a good thing 😉 .

Now fast forward another 2 years I knew he was living in the area and really I just wanted to go out one night. I called him to see if he was available and we talked for 2 hours and decided to meet that weekend for “a girls night out”. Well, to say the least, that night did not turn out to be a girls night out it was in fact, our first date. From there, our relationship slowly grew (of course we began dating right before my ex-husband took his 1st month long hiatus) so we had to take things slow. The beginning was hard and I relied on family and friends to watch the girls for me so we could see each other, and in this first month, I think we saw each other a whopping 3 times!!

But regardless of the time, we spent together our relationship continued to grow and then the weekend of Mother’s day 2015 he met the girls for the first time!

Since that point, things have just gone up and this past September he proposed and I said yes!!

The wedding is scheduled for June and we are all so happy, the girls love him and so do I. I am thankful that he is in our life and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him.

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Perfect Housewife?

Okay so what is the definition of a perfect housewife? Is it the women you see in the grocery store that looks like she never had a child even thoImageugh she has 3 with her? Is it the mom who is at every drop off an pick up of her child and there on time? Or is it the mom who cooks, cleans and puts all of her families needs in front of her own? I recently came across an article about how mother’s today are on average heavier than they were 50 years ago. Now I think this is fair because as a country in whole we have gotten bigger, why then would it be any different for mothers? My problem with this is that moms whether stay at home or working are under a huge amount of pressure. My best friend is an awesome mom she loves her children so much and she is also working, not just any work she is the bread winner for her family and is out of the house for about 10 hours a day. But like I said she is an awesome mom. For her and her family it made sense for her to go back to work after having children. Now me, I am a stay at home mom, as I mentioned in my about me I came into this role accidentally, my oldest daughter (Faith) was born with a heart defect and a suppressed immune system so daycare could of happened but for us we were able to work out our finances so that I could stay home. Since then we have had another little girl (Becky) I have been home now for 5 years and it has worked for my family. I am not the most disciplined mother and my goal for my kids is to raise them so they don’t  have to recover from me! But I try my hardest to meet the “perfect housewife” standard, and it is exhausting.

When I was in Calvinism I read a book called “The Excellent Wife” (not recommended) in this book it had suggestions on how to be the perfect wife. One of these suggestions was that a wife should always be put together for her husband, so makeup on and nice

clothes all the time. Also you should be able to take care of dinner and just let you husband relax after work, the bestNot-had-sex-in-a-while (sarcasm) was when I was told I should never deny my husband sex even if I was sick! If he wanted sex not being in the mood was not a good reason to say no. I am sure now you can see why this is not a recommended book, well being the “perfect” Calvinist I decided that I needed to follow these instructions in order to make my husband happy (thankfully he was disgusted about the sex one if I did want it he didn’t want to make me). Well this lasted all of 3 weeks before I finally threw in the towel, I realized that my husband did not care how clean the house was or if I was made up. What he wanted was for me to be happy and for our family to work.

I recently started watching Mad Men (thanks Netflix!) and I am surprised at how far housewives and women in general have come sine the 1960’s, however we today are still scrutinized more than men. We have to be prefect little girls, then polite teenagers, then respectable young women so we can get a man, then we have to be the prefect wife and maybe mother. We might get more respect today but the expectations are still the same, so what if my kids watch T.V.? I know what all the studies say about media but the people who hold these studies do not see what my house is like. I think people need to back off and just let wives and mothers BE, imagine a world where that was okay, I think we would have some pretty happy women.