Let me just start out saying that my divorce is being filed jointly, but this does not mean that I agree with it. What this does mean is that I know my marriage cannot be saved with just one person willing to save it. In all 50 states there is now a No Fault Divorce which means that one person can file for divorce and the other spouse cannot fight it, I did not want this outcome. Now where I stand on the No Fault Divorce law I am unsure, see if I could fight this divorce I am not sure I would. My husband wants out, he says that he settled and that he is not a relationship man (I wish he discovered this 8 years ago) so I realize that even though I don’t want it my marriage is over.
Now don’t get me wrong the first 2 weeks I wanted to fight him tooth and nail and I told him that he would have to file that I would not file jointly but I soon realized that would make everything worse and it would not stop the divorce from happening. I wish my husband loved me but he does not, and I hope that one day I can find someone that will love me and that I will be able to love back. If No Fault Divorce was not an option and I did not agree then what would my marriage look like? He would not be happy which in return would make me not happy. But there is still the argument that just maybe after some time things would get better and the marriage would be saved. I don’t know and never will, but I do know one thing, as much as this hurts (and it really does) there is no good option, that this is the best.
Tonight my girls are with him and I get a small break, no bed time routine and no hurrying around in the morning so we won’t be late for school, it is nice. But there is still this gap in my life and it is him, you share your life with someone and then one day they are just gone, honestly I feel like my heart is broken into a thousand pieces and I have no idea how it is going to be put together again.
One of my favorite lines from a song is “I know my heart won’t be the same, but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay” This is the motto that I am living by day by day.