New Year

zika

I know for a lot of people 2016 was a hard year, even looking at the news we were surrounded by tragedy there was the Flint Michigan water crisis, (which is still going on) the Zika outbreak which caused Olympians to not compete in the games, the Ecuadorian earthquake and lets not forget Donald Trump trumpbecoming President Elect.

For me this year was awesome! It was officially the first year in 8 that I was not married (I was separated at the end of 2014, and the divorce was not final until 3/2015) and also the year that I would say goodbye to single life!!!

I know that I will look at these years and I will always look fondly at them, it was at this time that I realized just how much I can do. I saw that I am so much more than a wife and mom, I am a woman that has goals, and that has fought through adversity and won. I returned to school and got a new job that will help give me experience that will be vital once my degree is obtained.

I became comfortable with being a 20 something that was divorced and has 2 kids. A funny story with this actually had to do with my high school reunion. I was talking to a classmate and showed her a picture of the girls Aaron was with me, and after she had looked at the pictures, she gave me a concerned expression and said: ” I see you in them but no offense I do not see you (pointing at Aaron) at all.” You can imagine what our reaction was we both looked at each other and laughed! Then I replied “well that’s a good thing cause their not his! I have been married, had kids and divorced in 10 years, what have you been up to?”

20161231_094041

This has been a remarkable year, right now on my tree I have an ornament that is of three snowmen on a sleigh. I got this once my ex left, and it has three names, Mommy, Faith, and Becky. I will never get rid of this, and I am sure it will always hang on my tree, but next year I look forward to hanging another one (maybe right beside it) that has 4 (or maybe 5 😉 ) names on it. 🙂

 

Happy New year I hope your 2017 is extraordinary!!!!!

Advertisements

Finding love

About 2 years ago my life was just being put back together, I was coming out of the darkness that my divorce caused. By the end of January of that year I was healed and ready to move on. Now, this did not mean I was ready to date, but it did mean I was ready to live my life, so one weekend when my children were with their dad, I called up an old friend. Now calling this person a friend is using the term loosely, the connection is hard but give me a minute to explain this…

Okay so this person is Aaron

My ex-mother-in-law was in her 4th marriage when I got married, she married a man named Dale and Dale has triplets that are my age and a younger child (who I think is 5 years younger) so for a time Dale’s children were my step siblings in-laws.

When I was pregnant with Faith, Dale’s daughter (one of the triplets) began dating Aaron. I actually met him for the first time when I was 36 weeks expecting!

They dated for about 4 years and broke up when Becky was around 1, in this time we would talk and were friendly but nothing more (we were both in love and in committed

img_3690

Faith playing with Uncle Aaron

relationships) Faith actually called him Uncle Aaron!

 

Fast forward 2 years and I was at a gas station filling up when I saw someone I recognized at another pump, it was Aaron. Now, my looks had changed since he had last seen me, the baby weight was gone and really he only knew me when I was either pregnant or postpartum. I was excited to see him after so long so I went over and he didn’t even recognize me! We talked and I invited him to dinner so we all (myself, my ex-husband and himself) could catch up. This dinner never happened and in retrospect, it’s probably a good thing 😉 .

Now fast forward another 2 years I knew he was living in the area and really I just wanted to go out one night. I called him to see if he was available and we talked for 2 hours and decided to meet that weekend for “a girls night out”. Well, to say the least, that night did not turn out to be a girls night out it was in fact, our first date. From there, our relationship slowly grew (of course we began dating right before my ex-husband took his 1st month long hiatus) so we had to take things slow. The beginning was hard and I relied on family and friends to watch the girls for me so we could see each other, and in this first month, I think we saw each other a whopping 3 times!!

But regardless of the time, we spent together our relationship continued to grow and then the weekend of Mother’s day 2015 he met the girls for the first time!

Since that point, things have just gone up and this past September he proposed and I said yes!!

The wedding is scheduled for June and we are all so happy, the girls love him and so do I. I am thankful that he is in our life and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him.

20161225_154807

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Remember the kidsOkay, well the title of this blog no longer applies to my life, I am no longer a housewife. I am just a unemployed stay at home mom that is looking for work. My husband and I are going through divorce, now this decision did not come easy for me. For weeks I fought it and begged for another way, I thought that I could make my husband fall in love with me again and I tried everything, none of which worked.

As the weeks have gone on I have come to accept the reality that I live in, my marriage is over and the awesome family that I once had is now broken. Now my husband and I are getting along and I have no doubt that we will be awesome co-parents, we both love our girls and have a mutual respect for each other and that goes a long way. There is one thing that I have to do to keep this relationship working though, I have to put aside the love that I still have for my husband in order to be a good mom.

What I mean by this is that in order to parent my girls in the best way I need to put my emotions on hold, right now I need to be strong and to have a clear head. Life didn’t turn out the way that I thought it would but I know in the end I will be okay and my girls will be okay to. For me I think it will just take some time, every day gets a little easier. So for now my next step is saying bye to the awesome family of four that we were and saying hi to the awesome family of three that I am now part of.

Trip to Disney (again)!

ImageOkay well In September I will once again be visiting Disney World! All of our reservations are made and now it is just time to wait. I must say I am excited to go at this time of the year, historically September is the least busy month to go to Disney so that means the crowds will be lower than what I am used to. Also I will get to see the Halloween decorations and I am also going to attend Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party! This party is new for me and I am very much looking forward to it. We will be gone from the 7th to the 16th and are going to have a total of 8 park days which is the most I have ever had.

My girls are going to have makeovers at the Bibbidi Bop Boutique and the Pirates League. Becky will be a princess (she is the Bibbidi Bop Boutique) and Faith is planning on being a mermaid from the Pirates League.

Image

One of the best perks of this trip is my husband is coming! This means my parents will watch the girls one morning so my husband and I can take the Keys to the Kingdom tour and one night so we can have a date night. For our date night we are going to Epcot and eating in the London Pavilion my hope is we can get a patio seat so we can view Illuminations from our table.

There are a lot of firsts for me on this trip, 1) seeing Illuminations 2) seeing Fantasmic! 3) Mickey’s not so Scary Halloween Party and 4) Keys to the Kingdom tour. Also when we are down there we will get to see the new day time parade Festival of Fantasy.

I am very excited to be able to have this experience again and also to be able to experience new things!

What are your favorite things to do while in Disney World?

illuminations

Perfect Housewife?

Okay so what is the definition of a perfect housewife? Is it the women you see in the grocery store that looks like she never had a child even thoImageugh she has 3 with her? Is it the mom who is at every drop off an pick up of her child and there on time? Or is it the mom who cooks, cleans and puts all of her families needs in front of her own? I recently came across an article about how mother’s today are on average heavier than they were 50 years ago. Now I think this is fair because as a country in whole we have gotten bigger, why then would it be any different for mothers? My problem with this is that moms whether stay at home or working are under a huge amount of pressure. My best friend is an awesome mom she loves her children so much and she is also working, not just any work she is the bread winner for her family and is out of the house for about 10 hours a day. But like I said she is an awesome mom. For her and her family it made sense for her to go back to work after having children. Now me, I am a stay at home mom, as I mentioned in my about me I came into this role accidentally, my oldest daughter (Faith) was born with a heart defect and a suppressed immune system so daycare could of happened but for us we were able to work out our finances so that I could stay home. Since then we have had another little girl (Becky) I have been home now for 5 years and it has worked for my family. I am not the most disciplined mother and my goal for my kids is to raise them so they don’t  have to recover from me! But I try my hardest to meet the “perfect housewife” standard, and it is exhausting.

When I was in Calvinism I read a book called “The Excellent Wife” (not recommended) in this book it had suggestions on how to be the perfect wife. One of these suggestions was that a wife should always be put together for her husband, so makeup on and nice

clothes all the time. Also you should be able to take care of dinner and just let you husband relax after work, the bestNot-had-sex-in-a-while (sarcasm) was when I was told I should never deny my husband sex even if I was sick! If he wanted sex not being in the mood was not a good reason to say no. I am sure now you can see why this is not a recommended book, well being the “perfect” Calvinist I decided that I needed to follow these instructions in order to make my husband happy (thankfully he was disgusted about the sex one if I did want it he didn’t want to make me). Well this lasted all of 3 weeks before I finally threw in the towel, I realized that my husband did not care how clean the house was or if I was made up. What he wanted was for me to be happy and for our family to work.

I recently started watching Mad Men (thanks Netflix!) and I am surprised at how far housewives and women in general have come sine the 1960’s, however we today are still scrutinized more than men. We have to be prefect little girls, then polite teenagers, then respectable young women so we can get a man, then we have to be the prefect wife and maybe mother. We might get more respect today but the expectations are still the same, so what if my kids watch T.V.? I know what all the studies say about media but the people who hold these studies do not see what my house is like. I think people need to back off and just let wives and mothers BE, imagine a world where that was okay, I think we would have some pretty happy women.