Nothing like a sick Child, and the very beginning of this journey

Okay so by now my Un-Anniversary has come and passed. To be short the day and night was uneventful except for the fact that my youngest was terribly sick. Now she was not throwing up but a VERY  high fever and really bad cold symptoms to go along with it. I must say that the day was not bad at all! It did get me thinking about my wedding day and then my age…

The Beginning:

So I met my Ex when we were just kids I was in 4th grade and he was in 5th, we lived in the same neighborhood but went to different schools (I went to a private school and he attended public). I have memories of playing jail tag with him and memories of him and his best friend chasing me and my best friend down the street while they pretended to be gladiators. So we really grew up together.

From the beginning I had a crush on him but he never thought twice about me until I was about 13 and that was only for about 2 days (maybe a sign I should have paid attention to). When he went to middle school (7th grade) we lost contact. Then 3 years later when I was a freshman in high school our paths crossed again. ErkkiandMegan05

Now this time I did not look like a little kid and immediately got his attention, which I gave back because that crush I had developed still existed, I was 15. We stated dating October of my Sophomore year and were married in October 4 years later, I was just 19.

To me my ex was everything and getting married young was what God wanted for me, I was so excited to start this new journey in my life and to build a life with him. My wedding day was a mixture of emotions I was so happy to be marrying this man but at the same time worried because I knew I was breaking my Mother’s heart. She did not agree with the marriage and on my wedding day actually told me I was ruining her life.

That day I felt so beautiful and it was perfect, it was a small wedding which is exactly what we wanted, I had my best friend there and if I had a maid of honor it would of been her. ErkkiandMegan25

I have no regrets about this day or even about getting married so young. I know when I first was faced with the divorce all I could think was “who would want to be with me? I have been married, divorced and have 2 kids by the time I am 28! Yeah I’m a real catch” but now I see getting married young as a blessing, I have two beautiful daughters who I wouldn’t give up for the world and a life already full of experiences. Plus I am still young enough to get remarried and celebrate a 30 year anniversary with someone!

To that young women who was married years ago I would say, yes the road will be tough but every decision you make will work out and even when the road gets hard you will learn to walk through it with your head high. So feel beautiful and soak up the day because that memory will always be cherished and it is that day that the children that you now hold so dear became a possibility.

A young women was married that day and 8 years later a mature women is the one who shook off the dust and began her new life again. It was not my first time staring over, it was not the first time that odds were against me but it was my first time stepping out alone and facing the unknown. I must say being at the other side of this “unknown” it really was not that bad. Yes there are still struggles but that is life, and this life that I live is just awesome!

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Best Days of Your Life, Divorce update

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I recently came across a song by Kelli Pickler “Best Days of Your Life” and at first I thought it was awesome! It is about a guy regretting leaving a girl and how when he was with her that was already the best days of his life. For anyone who is going through heartbreak this is a great message it helps get you through and realize that the person that left was the one is is now going to miss out.

Right after my ex left one of my friends sent me the above picture and it made me feel great! This is what I needed at the time I needed to believe that he was making a mistake, it was what helped me get through the day.

But I found once that heart break  begins to heal (in my case at least) I have come to the realization that yes my ex left me but he left me for a reason and maybe the best years of his life are still ahead of him (I truly hope so).

We all want to feel vindicated, but that does not mean that we all are. Sometimes love just ends and it isn’t a bad thing it just means that you get to out and find it again!

Divorce update:

So my state motto is “Live Free or Die” and apparently this goes for divorce also! All I am waiting on now is for my ex to sign the papers then we can file and anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months later we will be divorced! No waiting period, no appearance in front of a judge all we have to do is take a parenting class and wait for the judge to sign the papers.

It is a weird feeling to be excited for this all to be over, I think at this point I am just ready to move on and begin my new life. It’s nice living in reality.

I will always look at our marriage fondly but I am now ready to close that book and throw it in the fire! (Just kidding!)

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Remember the kidsOkay, well the title of this blog no longer applies to my life, I am no longer a housewife. I am just a unemployed stay at home mom that is looking for work. My husband and I are going through divorce, now this decision did not come easy for me. For weeks I fought it and begged for another way, I thought that I could make my husband fall in love with me again and I tried everything, none of which worked.

As the weeks have gone on I have come to accept the reality that I live in, my marriage is over and the awesome family that I once had is now broken. Now my husband and I are getting along and I have no doubt that we will be awesome co-parents, we both love our girls and have a mutual respect for each other and that goes a long way. There is one thing that I have to do to keep this relationship working though, I have to put aside the love that I still have for my husband in order to be a good mom.

What I mean by this is that in order to parent my girls in the best way I need to put my emotions on hold, right now I need to be strong and to have a clear head. Life didn’t turn out the way that I thought it would but I know in the end I will be okay and my girls will be okay to. For me I think it will just take some time, every day gets a little easier. So for now my next step is saying bye to the awesome family of four that we were and saying hi to the awesome family of three that I am now part of.