New Year

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I know for a lot of people 2016 was a hard year, even looking at the news we were surrounded by tragedy there was the Flint Michigan water crisis, (which is still going on) the Zika outbreak which caused Olympians to not compete in the games, the Ecuadorian earthquake and lets not forget Donald Trump trumpbecoming President Elect.

For me this year was awesome! It was officially the first year in 8 that I was not married (I was separated at the end of 2014, and the divorce was not final until 3/2015) and also the year that I would say goodbye to single life!!!

I know that I will look at these years and I will always look fondly at them, it was at this time that I realized just how much I can do. I saw that I am so much more than a wife and mom, I am a woman that has goals, and that has fought through adversity and won. I returned to school and got a new job that will help give me experience that will be vital once my degree is obtained.

I became comfortable with being a 20 something that was divorced and has 2 kids. A funny story with this actually had to do with my high school reunion. I was talking to a classmate and showed her a picture of the girls Aaron was with me, and after she had looked at the pictures, she gave me a concerned expression and said: ” I see you in them but no offense I do not see you (pointing at Aaron) at all.” You can imagine what our reaction was we both looked at each other and laughed! Then I replied “well that’s a good thing cause their not his! I have been married, had kids and divorced in 10 years, what have you been up to?”

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This has been a remarkable year, right now on my tree I have an ornament that is of three snowmen on a sleigh. I got this once my ex left, and it has three names, Mommy, Faith, and Becky. I will never get rid of this, and I am sure it will always hang on my tree, but next year I look forward to hanging another one (maybe right beside it) that has 4 (or maybe 5 😉 ) names on it. 🙂

 

Happy New year I hope your 2017 is extraordinary!!!!!

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Mine!!!!!

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When you get divorced as a stay at home mom it’s an understatement to say that your life gets turned upside down. Everything that was once stable is now on a active fault line that is ready to rock. For me this was horrible, we had one car in our family (as my ex works from home) and it was under his name. When he left he did buy another car but that meant I was responsible for the old one (it’s name is speedy, my kids picked it out) this was terrifying. Even though I had a phenomenal credit score (800) I had no income! No income = no loans, even for speedy which is a 2012 Sonata and only had a $4,000 loan attached, I could not qualify for a loan without a cosigner. My ex refused to co sign and I did not what to have to ask my dad. So I talked with my ex and asked him if as long as I made the payments could he carry the loan until I had 4 months of work under my belt, he agreed. So I worked paid the loan and eventually went to my bank and got it refinanced and had my ex taken off. Speedy was officially mine!!

Well not really, to get this loan they stretched out my payments to another 5 years! This was hard because for years I (and my ex) had actively worked to get ahead on our payments and we were on track to have it paid off ASAP. The monthly payments were low but with my budget that was really all I could put on it, a couple of months I was able to put more more towards this but it was the exception not the rule. So in the last 6 months I have made my payments and in turn have gotten the loan down, I had accepted that it may take me 3 or more years to officially own speedy and it was okay.

Well it is tax season!! And I am more than happy to report that once I get my return I will officially own Speedy!!! The best part is that he has only 77,000 miles (I know it’s a lot living in NH requires lots of driving) and I have a bumper to bumper warranty until 100,000, so hopefully if anything is going to go wrong it will happen before the warranty is up.

Life has definitely had it’s up’s and downs lately (more of that in a future post) but this is an official up. The goal once I have the title in hand is to put that payment into savings and start to grow that. Little by little I know my finances will get in order and I will be better off financially than I was while married.

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What type of love are you looking for?

Lately I have been very into music, obviously country is still my favorite but I have also enjoyed some pop songs too. There is a song that my girls love, it is Ellie Goulding “Love me Like you do”  this is a really nice song and I must say it is funny to hear my girls singing along to it. The first verse in this song describes how someone feels about another person:

You’re the light, you’re the night
You’re the color of my blood
You’re the cure, you’re the pain
You’re the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

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I know many people view love like this, the type where you breath is taken away, where life without that person seems impossible. When you are with this person you are one with them, without them you are not yourself, this is a very romantic view of love and commitment. I think this is the view many people hold myself included I was one of them.

As I have talked about, before love is very complicated it is an emotion that we just don’t fully understand but we all experience in one form or another.

Another way to view love is (in the wise words of Meredith Grey) “I can live without you but I do not want to, I don’t ever want to”  I view this type of love as not someone completing someone else but someone becoming a part of their life, just because they can live without someone does not mean that they should. I feel in this type of love you do not get lost in someone you stay you and they get to enjoy that. This reminds me of another song, The Band Perry “I’m a Keeper”

Blue eyed Susans
Standing in a domino line
Falling in and out of love all the time
They’ll break your heart just to see a boy cry
But not me
I am a brown eyed loner
I march to my own drummer
I’m a piccolo owner and the labor of my mother’s love
Honey you’d be a load off her mind

But with or without you
My only plan is to be free
With or without you
I’m still me

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Now I don’t want to say either of these type of love is wrong but what I will say is that I tried giving my whole self to someone and when they left nothing was left so I don’t think I will ever do that again, I fully depended on this person and was devastated when they left.

So as for me well I guess I will take the stance that:

But with or without you
My only plan is to be free
With or without you
I’m still me

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Love

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What is love? Can someone fall in love to just fall out? These are all questions I have wondered about (honestly I think we have all thought these at one point or another)

About a month ago I came across an article that said if you sit down with someone and answer 36 questions then stare into the persons eyes for 4 minutes you will fall in love. I find this so intriguing because I used to feel strongly that love is a choice that is made daily and the questions that are asked can be very intimate. Now it makes me wonder what is it about these questions that helps people feel connected to one another?

I wish I knew someone that tried this! I just want to know if it actually works, can love really be that simple?

I am in a relationship with a great guy, we have been seeing each other for about 3 months now and I must say that I am falling for him (I may have already fallen 😉  ) The more I talk to him and get to know him the more I want to spend time with him, is this what the questions do? Do they help you to get to know someone but quicker?

I have to admit out of pure curiosity I have been tempted to ask him to do the questions with me, but then reasoning kicks in and I won’t ask him because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy! But still love is such a weird emotion that we have all experienced, and there are even different types of love. The way I love my girls is very different than the way I love my best friend and different from the way that I loved my ex. Even with all these different types of love it is still such an intimate emotion that can either make our better and help us feel like we are on top of the world or it can destroy us. That right there shows it power.

A recent study was done on college students who admitted that they were in love, and the results show that when in love certain parts of the brain light up and have increased activity. They also did a study at the same time to see what type of reactions that brain has to lust and it was found that love and lust do not activate the same part of the brain! So love and lust are not the same thing. They also studied people who were in love but the love was not mutual and parts of the brain that are associated with physical pain were lit up, this helps explain why love can hurt so bad.

So we can now see love in people’s brains but we still don’t understand the why, I think this is a question that will always have a question mark at the end of it. We don’t know why we love all we know is that we all love to love!!

Here is the link to the 36 questions:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html?_r=0

And here is a CNN link describing the study and the results:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/02/14/love.science/

Oh yeah Happy Easter!!giphy

Moving

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For the past 3 weeks I have been in the process of moving, I recently bought a house with my parents and we are in the process of renovating the basement into an apartment. Hopefully the work will be completed by next weekend and then I can officially move. Life as been hectic with all the packing and bringing boxes over to the new house. In my kitchen I have exactly I frying pan, 1 pot, 1 baking dish and 1 casserole dish. We have been eating off of paper plates and I am constantly doing dishes because I only left out 1 cup for each of the girls and 2 for me.

In short I am ready to move.

Just the other morning Faith spilled her bowl of cereal in the living room, not a big deal. I got some paper towels and cleaned it up, after that I went to get my swiffer so I could clean the floor well I had the swiffer but I did not have the pads that go with it, they were at the new house! (Not sure what the logic behind packing those away was…)

Last night I was at the house and I actually began putting away some of my kitchen items, it was exciting and sad at the same time. I am leaving the only home my kids have known the home where the both took their first steps, the home that they love. But I am excited to think of the new memories that are going to be made at the new house. It is a blank slate and that is so nice!

Now if I could just have all my stuff in one place…..

Food Stamps

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We have all had hard times in our life but some of us have hit a lower bottom than others, this was me when my ex left. I went from a stay at home mom to a single mom on food stamps. Now I want to clarify that I was getting child support from my ex; still its just his income was not high enough to support 2 households.

This post is actually hard for me to write because for a lot of you (my friends) this is the first you have heard about me being on Food Stamps, and it was my pride that kept it from you. When I was debating applying for benefits or not I had to lay down my pride and think of my girls and make the decision that was best for them.

Being on this program I realized that there are times in people’s lives when extra help is needed. I needed this help for a little bit. I knew when I went on the program that my goal was to get off it as soon as possible, I went out and got a job just 2 weeks after receiving benefits. I am happy to say that as of today I no longer qualify!

I am grateful that the program is in place because it helped me take care of my girls when I needed it. Before this experience I had very strong opinions about government assistance. Now actually having needed this assistance and walking in the shoes of the people I judged has humbled me and given me a new perspective. I can now see that people just need help sometimes.

Why I do everything I do.

Why I do everything I do.

You did what?!?

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I love movies and always have, especially Disney movies.

When my ex first left the new Hunger Games movie had just come out, I have read all the books and up to that point had seen the first and second movie, seeing #3 was a must. The problem was I found myself newly single, now at the time I was very insecure about going to a movie alone but damn it I really wanted to see it so I sucked it up and went (alone).

You know what? I had fun!! A few days later when my mom and dad found out they actually felt bad for me! My mom was wondering why I didn’t call her and she assumed that going to the movies alone was not good for me.

So tonight again there was a movie out that I wanted to see; Cinderella. I don’t have kids and my packing is going along really well so I figured I would go see it, again alone. And I have to say that I had a great time, not only was it a really good movie but it was nice to spend time with just myself doing something that I wanted to do.

So yes I go to the movies alone and let me say that you should give it a try, it’s really fun!