gerund or present participle: gaslighting
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity” (Dictionary.com)
This is a new term to me, but one that rings so true for my life. My ex-husband would (and still does) do this to me all the time. To the point, my lawyer even asked why my ex was “trying to rewrite history?”.
As you know, I just ended a two-year court case of trying to update my parenting plan as well as get updated child support. My ex does pay me support, and he needed to submit some documents to my lawyer that showed his income. Well, the documents didn’t line up with what the verbal salary was, so my lawyer looked for an explanation. We did eventually receive one (a year later), and it made sense.
Now to explain the rewrite history comment. Before my divorce, I had a great relationship with my Mother in law (now ex), even after the divorce, we still talked, and I took the girls to visit her for a week! After that trip, radio silence began. I called texted, sent flowers and cards to no response. I was not sure what I did!
Well, fast forward two years, and I now know!!! My ex told my Mother in law that I was going to subpoena her for hiding money (he works for her company), and he ordered her to not talk to me. He told her it was either him or me; she could not have a relationship with both of us (just a tad controlling).
Well, a few weeks ago he told me that he okayed his mom to start talking to me again (how nice of him…) I asked why she stopped, and he admitted to not letting her talk to me then said: also because of the threat to bring her to court the subpoena that I supposedly said I was going to do.
I was SO confused! I knew I never did that, but I called my lawyer the next day to make sure. Well, we never threatened to subpoena anyone! We didn’t even have a witness list! Which is why my lawyer said my ex is trying to rewrite history.
I almost believed this, I was livid at my lawyer for going behind my back, turns out it was all an attempt to gaslight me. How fucking crazy is that?!?
This is one of the many reasons I no longer want to communicate with my ex, I can’t do the crazy anymore.
I wonder how long it takes to believe a lie? Because when he texted me, it seemed like what he was saying was common knowledge. I think he honestly believes this happened and has even claimed to have proof through an email (but he refused to send that to me).
Maybe I am the crazy one, who knows?